Friday, July 9, 2010

Paul the Celebrity Octopus



Everyone’s heard of Paul the octopus by now. There are already hundreds of Facebook fan groups and hate groups for Paul, ranging from “Save Paul the Octopus” to “Kill Paul the Stupid Octopus”.

In short, Paul is a celebrity. And although the German football fans want to eat him, people all over the world are depending on him to predict the outcome of the final two matches of the World Cup.

People ALL over the world are depending on an OCTOPUS to determine which team they will choose to place bets worth up to thousands of dollars. What is the world coming to?

Here’s what you need to know about Paul the Octopus

Paul first predicted the outcome of a football match during UEFA Euro 2008 and according to his keepers, 5 out of his 6 choices were correct.



Paul received his celebrity status when he correctly predicted the winners of each of the six 2010 FIFA World Cup matches Germany has played so far. Paul predicted Germany's win over England in the round of 16 and over Argentina in the quarter finals.

Paul also made a correct prediction for the semi finals when he chose the box with Spain's flag and the result led to death threats. Since the latest prediction, Germans are no longer praising their octopus, they’re calling for Paul to be cooked and eaten.

Despite the death threats, his keeper Oliver Walenciak is sure that the octopus is safe in his aquarium tank: “There are always people who want to eat our octopus but he is not shy and we are here to protect him as well. He will survive.”

And he’s right, Paul has nothing to worry about. He’s got high connections. The Spanish Industry Minister Miguel Sebastian called for Paul to be given safe haven in Spain, while Prime Minister Jose Zapatero offered to send an official state protection team to prevent the octopus from being eaten by angry Germans!

Paul's 100% accurate predictions for the 2010 World Cup have gained him worldwide status as a celebrity octopus. I hear he’s even getting his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame soon.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Friday, July 2, 2010

Nothing More Important Than The World Cup



A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final.

As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event, and not use it?"

"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married.

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at her funeral..."

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Old Is Gold



A farmer rears 25 young hens and 1 old cock. As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock: Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock: What do you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should retire.

Old cock: Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?


Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win, you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.

Young cock: Ok! What kind of competition?

Old cock: 50 meter runs, from here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters...

Young cock: No problem! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark, the Young cock chases him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, Bang! ..... Before he could overtake the Old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "F#$%king hell! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week!"


Moral of the story: Never under-estimate an old cock

Friday, June 18, 2010

Listen To Your Doctor

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Family Photo

Are family photos usually this confusing?

Monday, June 14, 2010

Create your own parking spot

Here's what a girl does whenever she can't find a proper parking spot.. she creates her own!

American Geniuses