Check Again..

Be careful who you leave your child with..

The Sad Truth: Everyone Gets Old

Its inevitable. We're all going to be old someday. Unless you find Peter Pan's Neverland, there's no way out. Ever wondered how our favourite comic book superheroes and the hot Barbie doll would look if they grew old? Have a look.

Barbie Doll


Wonder Woman


Superman


Tweety Bird


Batman & Robin


Spidey

Oooooppss..wrong number!

((((RING))))


"Hello?" "Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul." "Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy right now" .....

*Brief Pause*

"Uh, okay then, ..this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute" A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it, Daddy" "And what happened honey?" he asked "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.

Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!" "Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"

***Long Pause***

******Longer Pause******

Then Daddy says: "Errr....Swimming pool?? .. Is this 03-3442387??"

*click*

Failed Attempts

Sexy maid wannabe.. FAIL!



Washing Instructions.. FAIL!

Mysterious Deaths @ Hospital

There was this case in this hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed on Friday mornings around 9am regardless of their age, gender, medical history or medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural: Why did death occur at that same bed around the same time every Friday?

So the doctors decided to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause of the deaths.

Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. The new (unknowing) patient laid there.

Some doctors held wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil...and they waited.

8am, the patient was still alive...

8.30am...still breathing...

Just before the 'cursed' time, the door to the ward swung open...

Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum cleaner!

Seeking Technical Support

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate Wife
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Desperate Wife,

First, keep in mind,
Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command:ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
Also, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Best Regards,
Tech Support

Horny Woman

Ever seen a woman with a horn? Anyone with a horn? This 101 year-old lady from China has one. And she's worried she might be growing a second horn on her forehead.
well, evolution continues right?
If it's true we all started out as monkeys and evolved into humans, who knows.. Maybe our great great grandchildren will all be walking around with horns on their face.



Source: http://tinyurl.com/yfy8bno

Underage Marriage Needs Permission

KOTA BAHARU, March 11 (Bernama) -- Muslims in Kelantan who want to marry underaged persons can ask for permission or exception from the 'kadi' giving reasonable reasons, said Kelantan Syariah Court Chief Judge Datuk Daud Mohamad.

He said without permission they could be fined up to RM1,000 or imprisoned for six months or both by the Syariah Court according to the Kelantan Islamic Family Enactment 2002.

He said the regulation stipulated the age condition to prevent divorce as the married pair was considered to be not compatible.

Daud was asked to comment on the controversy of a 11-year-old girl who married a 40-year-old man in Kampung Jelawang, Kuala Krai, recently.


I wonder what qualifies as a "reasonable reason" to marry a girl young enough to be your daughter?....

Sorry, "Beautiful" People Only

BeautifulPeople.net is an elite Canadian club with "a strict ban on ugliness." The site is only open to men and women who are considered good-looking and existing members rate the photos of new applicants to determine whether they are eligible to join the networking club.

Maybe they should be called ShallowPeople.net

Mega Fat Loss

25 year-old Indonesian David Gurnani walked away with USD100,000 as the first Biggest Loser Asia after shedding an astounding 83kg in five months. A great example that sheer hard work and determination really pays off. Not only did he manage to lose all that weight and transform into a dashing young man, he’s now got himself an impressive bank balance too.

Think about it. He lost 83kg. That’s like another whole person.


And what is he planning to do with the money? David is planning to buy a house… because he’s getting married at the end of the year. The girl must feel like she won the jackpot! New and improved fiancee, with sudden wealth. All the best to them!

Sightings @ The Academy Awards 2010

Vera Farmiga


I'm all for having a unique sense of style.. but she looks like she wrapped herself in a pink curtain... a really ugly curtain

Jennifer Lopez


Is there another dress hanging from her hip?

The Bar Is Not Open

Did they really need to put up a signboard for this?

Werewolf Boy In India

Moral Of The Story: Be Thankful With What We Have (& How We Look)


Pruthviraj Patil has suffered from hypertrichosis, a rare genetic condition also known as Werewolf Syndrome, since birth. He is believed to be one of only 50 people in the world with the condition.

Pruthviraj’s family have tried a range of treatments – including homeopathy, traditional Indian Ayurvedic remedies and more recently laser surgery – but none has proved successful.

Now he has appealed to doctors to help him find a permanent cure.



http://worldmustbecrazy.com/werewolf-boy-in-india

Do Men Have More Fun?

We’ve heard that blondes have more fun but when you make a comparison between guys and girls, who has it easier?

Women seem to be the more complicated sex, always thinking and worrying about something. We analyse every conversation to the smallest detail taking into consideration every word, frown, smile and can’t rest till we think we have everything figured out.

Men on the other hand have the ability to actually sit down, relax, stare off into space and think about NOTHING at all.

In a relationship, if the man has been relatively quiet lately, the woman will jump to various conclusions and her trail of thoughts may look something like this;

I think he’s losing interest in me... But I thought everything was going so well... Maybe he’s met someone else… It must be that pretty new colleague he was talking about… How could he do this to me?... I thought he was the ONE… Could he be cheating on me??

While he’s just wondering about how much it’s going to cost him to fix his car.

It’s a fact. Women are the more complex species and we’ll never understand how men take things so easy. Here are 20 reasons why I think life is kinder to men than women.

They can open their own jars and bottles
Two pairs of shoes are enough
They don’t have to worry about growing a moustache
They don’t suffer stomach cramps every month, or go through childbirth, or menopause
The more they sleep around, the more their friends respect them
They get to keep their last name
Their hair cut costs about RM10
They can wear a white shirt to a water park. They can wear NO shirt to a water park
They can buy underwear in a 3 for RM10 pack
The only place they need to shave is their face
They don’t have to worry about getting pregnant
New shoes don’t cut or blister their toes
They can wear shorts without worrying about how their legs look
They earn more for the same job
Nobody stares at their chest while talking to them
They can pack for a 3-day vacation in 15 minutes and they only need one suitcase
They can still be friends with a friend who forgot invite them for a party
They don’t have to endure unwanted looks/ comments/ pick-up lines from strangers
Their parents don’t ask a million questions before they go out with their friends
They are done shopping in 20 minutes

There you have it. Life is much kinder to men than women. But despite all the complications that come with being a woman, I love it and would never want it any other way!

Deepavali Surprise

When my mom was a kid, they used to play firecrackers every year for Deepavali. Her elder bro who was the leader of the pack would light the firecracker, and then they would all run to hide.
One year, my uncle decided to get a little creative. He spotted some cow dung in front of the house area and placed a string of firecrackers on it. He lit it and....
In a split second the walls of the house were splattered with cow dung!
Well, they spent Deepavali morning washing cow dung off the walls of the house.
To make things worse, their relatives decided to pay them a surprise visit that day. I'm guessing it wasn't a very pleasant surprise.

Double Insult!

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen."
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, extremely angry. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Men Should Not Be Allowed To Write Advice Columns